Function Over Form
by takeoffyourmask
Summary: A/U : Piper Chapman's freshman year in college. There she met characters she never thought would turn her completely boring WASPy life upside down. (might change rating later)
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER I**

"I still don't understand why would you go to this school," my mother would repeat for the twenty-sixth time. Of course she would insist up to the final second that the college of my choice's subpar and extremely unimpressive. _Which is not_.

"Carol, this is Litchfield College. And people who graduate here are making names on the construction industry."

_Thanks dad._

"But Piper needs more exposure, like to the real world… not this _tiny-_"

"Mom, it's because it only has construction related courses, that's why it's tiny."

"But there's a lot more opportunities in other-"

"Mom, please." I pleaded.

How I hate the long drive to Litchfield. All the arguments and banters with my mother's getting me sick. Carol Chapman, the epitome of a_ proper_ blonde lady: desk jobs and picket fences . "_Construction jobs are for men_," she would insist. After all these years of being under her control, I would finally taste a tiny sense of freedom. And by that, I mean studying on a tiny college and tiny dorms situated on tiny premises.

I couldn't care less.

We arrived at the campus grounds after an hour. We were received at the administrator's office and the College of Architecture Dean, Mr. Caputo, gave me the handbook and a printed form of my subjects. My parents and I were oriented on the rules .He told my mom that she shouldn't be worried and Litchfield's one of the top school for architecture in the country etcetera, etcetera. I am actually embarrassed as my mom interrogated him as if I am a child being dropped by a daycare center. After half an hour, we were escorted by a staff to the living quarters. He said to call him Bennett. He's a muscular guy with curly hair and a soft face.

Litchfield's ground comprises of three three-story buildings, creating a triangular formation on site. They were connected by covered walkways which were too narrow for two people to walk side by side. The field on the middle of the edifices is an open ground with overgrown weeds. It wasn't anything of grand and fancy, it was slightly hoary actually. It's quiet ironic, being a top architecture and engineering school yet the site plannin's is horrible. Bennett said it was because they have to maintain the original buildings, as they were protected properties of the government.

I could see my mom wincing in revulsion at the corner of my eye.

"Feels like a prison ground," my mom muttered to my dad. I rolled my eyes.

Building one, the one with the curtain wall and a beautiful drop off, has the classrooms, studios, laboratory and faculty and staffs' room. The second building, the smallest one would be the male dorm along with some more labs. And the last building would be the women's dorm. A brutalist themed building which was dreadfully out of place with the two building's deconstructivist style.

"And this is where you'll be residing," Bennett said as he pushed the girl's dorm main door open. It was a lazy day on the receiving area. I saw two women, one of them's bald, reading a hardbound of _The Chamber of Secrets_. Another three women were playing monopoly on the other table. I observed the interior of the place, wooden and timeworn. It was classic and abiding, I thought.

It was time for my parents to leave and my mom and dad hugged me and we said goodbye. I promised to call them and that I would be a good girl and I wouldn't party and ruin myself and that I would give them good grades. Seconds later I could hear their car pulling away from the school grounds.

_Final-freakin-ly._

* * *

Red, a Russian lady with an incredibly thick accent, introduced herself as the houseparent and the cook of the cafeteria. She looks like a hawk to me, at least her eyes does. She talked for seemingly three hours about her rules, which is typewritten on another handbook. God, she's more terrifying than Caputo.

"Two strikes, and you're out of this dorm. Russians don't play baseball" she finished her long speech. I silently nodded.

I walked to my room, room 206, with my huge blue suitcase and a backpack too big for my frame. I opened the room and a luxurious leather couch greeted. It was a studio type room: one bunk bed, a couch (the fancy leather one, in which I am plopped on) and a small kitchen top. I heard someone on the bathroom came out and it was this wild haired woman, few inches shorter than me. She greeted me with a wide grin.

"Look at you blondie, welcome to my-, I mean _our_ little nest"

"Uhm hi" I said nervously

"I'm Nicky Nichols and I'll be your roommate. I already took the top bunk by the way"

"Yeah, it's all good" I glanced at her messy stuff tossed idly on the top of her bed.

"Sorry about that"

"No uh.."

"How'd you like the couch? I bought it earlier this morning with Vause so that explains why it looked so alternative."

"You what?" I gasped. The couch looked fantastic and it wasn't something a community college student can just _casually buy_ like it's a piece of burrito from a food truck.

"Bought it. I was bored earlier so I came down with Poussey and Vause downstairs on the common area and they convinced me on getting this couch. Mom, I mean Red, hated the texture though."

"Red is your mom?!"

"Well maternal figurehead. But how I wish she was. Red's my nanny when I was a baby. My mom doesn't do anything motherly to me at all. She lives in Brazil with her boyfriend Paulo who destroys rainforests and collects photos of realistic art. She is a cunt. I'm an embarrassment"

"Wow."

"Yeah. And she donates money on this shithole of a school to keep me locked up here. Caputo's basically her bitch. We're good as long as I don't bring hookers in."

My mouth hanged open. I wasn't even on Litchfield for six hours and my new surrounding's already a riot in comparison to my entire life outside with my mom and our mundane WASPy routine.

"What are you taking?" She asked.

"Architecture."

"Mine's electrical engineering, second year. So you got a name now? Like you haven't introduced yourself."

"Oh yes." I said, extending my arm for a handshake. "I'm Piper. Piper Chapman"

* * *

Nicky made me follow her. She said it was the _Nicky Nichols Litchfield Tour Deluxe Edition_. I chortled at the smaller woman.

"So you like pussy Piper? Or do you prefer pipes as your name suggests? I'm feeling some sapphic vibes coming off of you."

"What?!" I gasped in horror.

"Haha, nothing. PIPE-r … or **_not_**" She said, emphasizing the 'not' part. I stayed silent.

We made it to the cafeteria, which was located on the glass walled building. The kitchen wasn't busy and Nicky insisted we go in.

"Hi. Again." I said to Red which is now dressed on a chef's uniform.

"Ma, this is Chapman which I assumed you scared the shit out of her living soul already" Nicky said and I just smiled forcefully, hoping Red wouldn't catch how nervous I am under her hawk gaze.

"Yes, we have met and she seems like a pretty polite lady"

"She is, she liked the couch so booyah! See, fancy people like fancy couches."

"It's too soft. You girls would ruin your backs" Red said. She walked to the refrigerator and grabbed two yogurt cups.

"Here you go, fancy," she handed the cups to us and we thanked her. Before we walked away, she asked us to get Vause's ass on her kitchen. Apparently, she needed her giant height on fixing the top drawer, the one with the annoyingly squeaky door, she said. I nodded even though I don't have the least idea who that Vause is.

We walked back to the dorm and went straight to the common area. She introduced me to the bald woman who's reading. She has a name now: Poussey, an incoming Archi freshman like me. Nicky warned me to not call her pussy or she'll lose her shit. There was Taystee, who's Poussey's best friend and Nicky's classmate. She liked my hair and wondered if I could give her some strands.

"You gonna do some witchcraft, you harry potter maniac?" Nicky teased her.

"You don't be fuckin with harry potter, you hobbit"

"Wow, you're literary shit now? Huh? Hagrid?"

"You callin' me Hagrid when you got hair like him." Taystee said. We laughed in chorus. We exchanged a few more chatters and after a little less than an hour Nicky stood up "Alright ladies, my blondie friend and I gotta find the giant. You've seen her?"

"Uhuh. She's with your girlfriend, looking for you like ten minutes ago."

"What's Lorna doing with that Giant Bigfoot?"

Just then a high pitched voice called Nicky's name. I turned around and saw two women approaching us. One of them got this ultra red lipstick and hyper feminine antics. She jumped to Nicky's arms and gave her a kiss. I quickly presumed it was Lorna. The other one, on the other hand, was this tall brunette with thick framed eyeglasses. She was wearing a plain black shirt and ripped jeans. She's holding a T-square and a rolled blueprint. She looked cool and ... _badass._

"There's your missing giant," Taystee stated.

"_Vause"_ I thought. I looked at her and to my surprise, she's already staring at me. Her eyes piercing mine. She raised an eyebrow and smirked, like she's aware that her presence's intimidating me.

"Maybe this is a bad time to say hi, huh?"


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER II**

On a span of two seconds, the atmosphere around me changed from fun and light to vivid and electric, all because of this mysterious figure of a tall brunette.

_Piper Chapman, keep your shits together. _

"Blondie what happened to you?" Nicky asked, obviously teasing by altering glances between me and the raven haired woman.

"What? Nothing. Nothing happened. I'm fine, ordinary, but fine." I stammered. Taystee and Poussey high fived as they laughed. "Vause did it again!" Taystee cried.

"Alright. Bigfoot this is Chapman, and Chapman this is whoever you wanna call her, but Bigfoot's pretty widespread." Nicky introduced and the brunette playfully smacked her shoulder.

"Ouch, that hurts. You're Godzilla punching a Disney princess here."

"Since when is Quasimodo a Disney princess?" She countered and Lorna sniggered raucously. After an eternity of name-callings, she faced me, "I'm sorry, you have to deal with this lame excuse of a human. You see, Nicky's a stage behind the human evolution." Taystee and Poussey laughed but her sultry voice and how sexy it was overshadowed her wits on my ears.

"Alex. My name's Alex Vause despite what these people told you."

I could feel my ears burning and deeply I wondered how she's doing it. She offered me a handshake and my entirety shivered as my hand reached hers. I had to pull back before she starts noticing how I tremble under her mysterious charm.

"P-Piper. Piper Chapman." I finally said.

Nicky introduced me to her girlfriend afterwards, in which I'll be eternally grateful for. Another second with Alex will burn my soul. Nicky's girlfriend name is Lorna Morello and she' living on the campus. Apparently, she's Red's _'daughter'_ too. She's taking vocational classes on the nearby Tech School and worked part time on Red's kitchen, doing inventory and paper work stuff. She asked me how I'm liking the dorm and said it was alright.

"Speaking of Ma, Red said she needed you to fix some old cabinet on her kitchen, you know, make the height useful"

"I thought we're even. I massaged her feet for forty five minutes the last time I went to her."

"Girl, but you gotta admit that Russian lady makes the best chicken, hands down" Taystee said.

"The Swiss roll has spoken, might be true." Poussey sniggered.

"Shut up Pussy, and I ain't no swissroll."

"My name is Poussey! Accent à droit, bitch!"

All of them laughed while I secretly glimpsed at the woman in front of me. And to my astonishment, Alex seemed to know what I was thinking because she's already staring back at me, with a raised brow and a smirk.

_That fucking smirk._

* * *

Lorna joined us for dinner later that evening. We ordered pizza and sat down for a movie. I suggested Harry Potter since Taystee kept on mentioning it earlier and realized I missed it. Lorna haven't seen the last film of the series and even though Nicky swore that she can't watch Snape's death for the four hundredth time, because she'll bawl like a baby, she eventually gave in. "You're lucky you goddamn puppy eyes are irresistible," she said to her girlfriend. Twenty minutes after the film started, Nicky started bombarding me with questions.

"So what's with you and Vause?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Come on now, you two were eye fucking" Nicky leaned closer to Lorna. "Right babe?"

"Sure. I mean I haven't seen Alex all giddy like that in a while now." Lorna agreed.

I almost choked on my drink. "I did not do that"

"You sure about that?"

"Positive."

"Whatever you say blondie. But let me tell you son, you did a number on Bigfoot there."

"What the hell does that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, tough Vause getting all high school with you with the staring contest."

"We don't do that."

"Now it's _we_, huh?" Nicky smirked and took a huge bite of her pizza slice.

"You're definitely reaching."

Nicky shook her head no, "You know blondie, all I'm saying is… if you're joining the softball league, I can give you a printout guide and of course the complimentary gift basket."

I saw Lorna rolled her eyes and as much as I wanted to tell Nicky that she's reading it very wrong, I couldn't help myself but picture Alex Vause and her smirks. I mentally cursed myself for_ craving _for it. Nicky chuckled and stood up. She went to the wall where the TV was mounted. She leaned at area just beside the TV, which was covered with a huge world map poster and yelled, "_You_ hearing this?"

My eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

Nicky lifted the world map and it revealed a huge hole, almost the size of a shoe box. She removed the map completely and dropped in on the floor. She turned to me, wearing that mischievous face I am now getting used to dealing with.

"Oh I haven't mentioned, Vause lives next door."

"Wha-"

"And this is the hidden portal to _Cuntlandia"_

"You should've just invited me you know" Alex's voice came through the hole. I almost threw my pizza at Nicky who's now laughing hysterically.

* * *

Nicky invited Alex to come over and join us with the movie and the pizza. She arrived with cans of beers and a huge bag of popcorn. I remained quiet on the couch while Nicky and Lorna prepared the snacks. Alex sat beside me, almost too close considering how huge the couch is.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Don't worry I haven't heard anything before Nicky tore down the map" She said, showing me her iPod wrapped on earphone wires. "I had this. Too bad though, Seems like your conversation's supposed to entertain me."

"No, no. She's just teasing me with… stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Softball stuff" Nicky said, handing me the bowl of popcorn. I threw a couple at her so she would shut up but it appears like Alex already picked up the whole idea already. How I wish the floor would split open and suck me in to its depth.

"You know Piper, ignore her. Nicky's just like that." Lorna said.

"Yeah. It's all good."

"Is it?" Alex asked with all seriousness on her tone. I pretend to not hear her and focus on the TV instead, but seeing the once hidden hole to Alex's room wasn't doing me any good. After a while, everyone were finally quiet. Nicky was leaning on Lorna's shoulder, sniffing between her tears over Snape's death scene. I could hear Alex silently munching on popcorns.

"Saw that on cinema with my mom, had to be escorted out because my mom literally started cursing loudly when Snape was killed." Alex said, almost a murmur to me. I stifled a laugh.

"There you go, loosen up."

"Yeah."

Nicky's wails screeched through the room and Lorna laughed at her. Alex grabbed her phone and took a couple of pictures of the funny breakdown. She asked me to do the same and I did. Revenge is sweet, I thought. Unluckily, my _revenge_ was cut off by a call from my best friend Polly.

"Sorry I have to take this"

"Boyfriend?" Alex asked without losing her attention on Nicky.

"No. I don't have a boyfriend." I said almost sounding too defensive and I immediately regret it. "I mean-"

"No. It's good. Good for me."

"What does that-"

"The phone" Alex said, reminding me to answer the call and before I could protest, I was mindlessly headed to the balcony. I hit the answer button.

"Pol"

"You said you would call me and you have not, Pipes."

"Sorry didn't track time. You know, busy with the unpacking and stuff."

"Wait, am I hearing Voldemort?"

"Yes, we're watching Deathly Hallows."

"Oh, how's the roommate?"

"Good, good. We're getting along quiet well."

"That's nice to hear, just don't let her took my spot as the best friend."

"Of course, you spoiled brat."

"So did you meet anyone who's ... you know?"

I hesitated for a second thinking if I should be telling Polly about the tall sassy brunette who's been sweeping me off my feet since the morning. "Ugh no."

"Lie."

"What?"

"You took three seconds. You don't take three seconds to answer that. You definitely met someone already."

"No seriously Pol I don't-"

"Piper."

"Why are you always so persistent?"

"Because I'm right and you're wrong. So quick. Tell me the name of the new prospect."

"Alex" I muttered as quietly as I can.

"Why are you whispering?"

"Because she's like six feet away?"

"Wait Alex is a she?!" Polly literally screamed on the other line. "And she's with you in the middle of the night!"

"Calm down."

"Oh shit! You're lesbianing right now? Wow I'm sorry for the interruption."

"No silly, and what? Lesbianing?"

"What? Shall I say you're on a pussy eating marathon instead?"

"Seriusly Pol."

"Alright let's save the Alex story for tomorrow and I want it in full details. I've got an important news right now."

"You're the worst friend."

"And I love you too, you stupid lesbian"

"What's the news?"

"Promise me you won't freak out?"

"So, I'm gonna be freaking out totally."

"Okay. Larry."

"What's with Larry?"

Polly sighed deeply on the other line. I could almost hear her chewing on her bottom lips.

"Goddamn it Pol, spill it already."

"Your crazy ex applied to your freaking college and he got accepted"

"What?"

"Pete just told me! And he only knew today. She saw Mrs. Bloom at Wholefoods and she mentioned Larry's sudden interest with buildings and stuff along with the Litchfield application."

"Jesus. How? He doesn't even like art or science or building stuff!"

"Exactly"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Wow Piper, couldn't you put two and two together? He's not going there for college, he's there to stalk the shit out of you, I swear."

"What the fuck."

Polly ended up the conversation after she made me promise not to strangle Larry. I went back inside, feeling totally miserable at the thought of my obsessed ex. Nicky and Lorna were still tightly focused on the movie while Alex's eyes followed me.

"Do you want me to kill him instead?"

"You're listening?"

"Only at the latter part with the Barry stuff. You're practically yelling."

"No. Lorna and Nicky doesn't seem to be aware." I whispered, pointing at the couple.

"Because they were making out while you're ranting about Barry. Nicky got a libido of a pre-teen bloke."

"Fuck you Vause." Nicky threw a pillow to Alex. I moved closer beside her and heave a sigh way too deeply. _Fucking Larry._

"Larry. His name is Larry not Barry," I said.

"Right. That's what I said."

"He's a roach." I sad and I begin telling her how I ended up dating him just because of my mom's wishes. I ranted and ranted until Lorna and Nicky were listening too. The film ended along with my story and Lorna offered to get me a glass of water, she said I looked so flustered.

"Seriously blondie? A roach? What's with the lack of creative metaphors?"

"Hey…I don't prioritize being poetic when I'm mad"

"So what's your plan?" Lorna asked and Alex adjusted her glasses looking at me, waiting for me to speak up but I just couldn't come up with something on the context of outrunning Larry on such a small campus.

"So let me be the poetic one," Nicky said.

"What?"

"Well, he's a roach so you step on him... Well figuratively."

"That wasn't too poetic, babe," Lorna said.

"I wasn't finished. What do you need on stepping on a roach? A _big foot_! Get it? Bigfoot! " She shrieked, pointing at Alex who's clearly unenthusiastic with her corny joke. I had to suppress my laughter, but the idea of Alex protecting me from Larry got me all nervous suddenly.


End file.
